27 July: End

Ah well, only another 49 weeks to the next Tour de France.

We'll miss the scenery, the heroics, the tactics, the international flavour of the peloton, Phil getting it wrong, Menchev falling off, the spoilt brat sound-bites, and those tedious, repetitive adverts.

I'll miss having something reliable to watch on TV and the knitting time - there have been 6 socks and part of a jersey made, of which a whole sleeve was done over the weekend.

On the other hand, perhaps we'll get out a bit in the evenings - on the bikes?

7 March: Gaviscon again

Do you get bored with the adverts on TV?

It gets quite exciting when there's a new one - is it a car (special effects), perfume (monochrome orgasms), washing powder (improbable story), or another poor soul with inexplicable rust in the W.C. pan?

Why do they advertise something to soften stools at tea-time? And those bloody women with their digestive discomfort - they need a good slap and being told to eat less, and more slowly.

And what do "pre-biotic" and "pro-biotic" mean, anyway?
*rustling of dictionary pages*
"Pre" means before; ignoring the meaning of "pro" as professional or a prostitute, the other meanings are in favour of, acting as a substitute for, forwards, or in front of. Then "biotic" means relating to life or living things, or of biological origin.

So put together, we get pre-biotic = before relating to life. And pro-biotic = acting as a substitute for relating to living things.

Not something I would want to eat.

Especially as pro-biotic is almost certainly the opposite of anti-biotic.

8 February: Snow - and a surprise

On the TV a child from Birmingham was confidently declaring that we don't have snow in the winter any more in England. Perhaps the North-East is not really part of England any longer, as we do actually have snow just about every winter. Though of course, it doesn't count if it doesn't affect those media people.

And this winter (hooray! hooray!) I won't have to drive to work in Consett; up there, about 250m above sea level, it can snow a lot in the winter, and the direct road from here to there can sometimes be closed by snow, necessitating a lengthy detour.

Presumably it's the Global Warming that brings us winter after spring has started. Wonder what might happen if the Gulf Stream changes - winter snow might then be a little more frequent.

Anyway, this afternoon I was busy when the phone rang. Putting down what I was doing, I dashed to get to the phone before the answerphone kicked in. A message for you, she said. Press 1 to hear it. Very mysterious. I pressed 1.

It was Tom Baker, calling to remind me of my dental appointment next week! Wasn't that nice of him, when he's so busy with adverts and such.

16 September: Callers

Had a few unwelcome callers this week.

The opticians sent me a card, telling me it was 2 years (2 years? it CAN'T be!) since my eyes were tested, so time to get them checked again. The following day the phone rang - somebody from the same opticians reminding me that it was time for an eye test. This company is apparently desperate for business, but I told the caller that hassling me was more likely to make me go elsewhere than to return to them - after all, there's plenty of choice where opticians are concerned. She replied that she wasn't hassling me, but making a *courtesy call*, totally oblivious of possible different interpretations of her call. I do regret my subsequent brusqueness - she's only trying to earn a pittance.

Later the same day I was in bed - I should mention that I don't normally nap in the afternoon, except at work, but a head cold meant I hadn't slept much the previous night - when the doorbell rang. I opened the window, and the young man on the doorstep started on about a telephone company, and seemed reluctant to give up, though I'd have thought it was pretty obvious I wasn't interested.

Do these people really think that as soon as they knock on your door you are going to think "Hey, this is just what I need"? Or do they expect to be able to bully you into buying whatever it is they are pushing?

Another caller was a silent and miserable looking young man, who handed over a dog-eared card with a story on it about him being a Polish student trying to sell pictures. There have been a few of these recently.

Are these sales methods successful? We make a point of never buying at the door, and in fact would probably never deal with a company that used this sort of tactic.

But then, advertising seems to miss me, or at least strike me sideways. Why else would I be convinced that Renault cars have wobbly back ends, or that the Nationwide "doesn't work like that"?

And the message is...

This posting is a useful way to sit by the window and watch out for the repair man. I daren't go out into the back garden and continue yesterday's thrilling task of re-pointing the paving, in case I miss the man from Grittish Bass.

Funny how advertisements enter the mind in ways probably never thought of by those who dream them up.

There's the company who sponsor CSI for instance - the message received is "phones for the incredibly thick". And there was a car "they don't want you to buy" - we didn't.

The cleaning products with the ludicrous 'dirt' scenarios and intensely irritating presenters/salespeople; OK, they may clean up fresh dust and lightly coloured water, but how do they do with the catsick on the carpet that you don't find till hours later?

There's soap labelled "non-comedogenic" - well, soap NEVER makes me laugh!

Recently I found myself singing a song I must have picked up from a couple of TV ads, a bank that has hi-jacked a Glen Campbell oldie, and another cleaning product - yep, Like a Limescale Cowboy.